A Letter to Life

Dear Life,

               It has been a while since I’ve had the time to reflect on you. For you have left me and travelled afar in haste with time as your companion. I lay here abandoned, adrift in my past and present, awaiting nothing but death. In these moments my friend, I often reminisce about our journey together through time and till the end. Well hello there life… my old friend!

 I assume you have long forgotten about my insignificant existence, but I …. I am trapped in the memories of our bond that encompasses over seven decades, a lifetime that we have journeyed though, from nothing to being everything but in unison. Alas, our bond has now reached its end and I stand here all alone, full of despair and hopelessness yet empty-handed.

My dear friend, I still remember how we formed our connection for the very first time when my flesh and bones were touched by my soul, the day I was born and filled with life. Ohhh, how lucky was I back then, when my parents were the cool shadow I sought refuge in, a safe haven that was no less than a paradise to me in my early years.

I often think about the different phases and colors you have pushed and pulled me through, now that I am a prisoner of my thoughts. I am trapped within and can only relive the life I once had in my fading memories.  Ahh sweet memories!

Life… do you remember how you changed my world, placing it upside down with the death of my parents? I still burn with anger thinking how you deserted two souls, letting death consume them. But I want to ask you my dear friend… did you not think how their death would deprive me of the shadow, love, care and bliss of my parents???

“I still wish you would’ve taken me with them……. What good were you without them?”

But now after all these years I am glad you didn’t leave me back then and remained with me as a ray of hope all these years. It was this hope that helped me become what I am today, guiding me as I walked in an estranged world full of hatred, deception and deceit.

With you as my hope, I soon found light in this dark and ugly world…. a light that strengthened our turbulent bond.

I still remember it was an American lady, graceful, bright and a kind hearted soul that walked into me life and helped me discover and polish my passion. She introduced me into the world of wood and helped me master the art of polishing it to the point of perfection. I don’t know why but she often said she could see the hidden artist within me.

And to my surprise, the determination to learn about wood, its types, polishing techniques and giving it final touches at an early age did wonders for me. Soon my work became my passion and brought everything from recognition, fame, decent money, living and love. But it still didn’t rid me of the curse of my own emptiness.

Ohh Life…. You’ve worked in mysterious ways… you stood by me in my darkest days, pushed me to success and pulled when I failed… ahh life I have but one question… why have you abandoned me now?

"What good am I in these mere flesh and bones without you???"

I had always believed that you were the only companion that will forever stay beside me… especially after I lost the love and meaning of my life fifteen years ago. I still live through those dark days, sinking in my memories of the shadows of despair… as I trance   back to the accident that ripped me of happiness, love and my freedom.

I lost everything but I still had you! I do wish at times that you wouldn’t have chosen between me and my wife, but yet you did. You chose me and left my wife at the hands of death. Tell me Life… did you not once consider how you would rip our children of a mother’s love, just like you robbed me from the love of my parents and my childhood?

And here I am, still wondering about the dilemma of our bond, a union that has brought nothing but death upon my loved ones with anguish, grief and sufferings for me. Yet I cannot bear the pain of losing you.

When I lost my wife along with my ability to move it seemed I had lost my soul, for love and passion were now merely words. But today, it seems I have lost my heart.

So my dear old friend this letter is my heart, a gift to my long lost companion who chose me over everyone around me but left me when I had no one. Ahh what a friend!!!

I stand here alone, lost in my never ending thoughts… thinking how will I move ahead bearing the pain of your loss and betrayal?? 

Although, you (life) have shown me a great deal of losses and betrayals in and from this strange world to that of my own blood… but not as agonizing as this one.

To be honest, I have experienced hurt, anguish, loneliness, betrayal and emptiness more from my own blood. So I often wonder… you were just my companion, a friend but they (my children) were a piece of my flesh, my reflections and my world, yet they left their only parent. A helpless, disabled and good for nothing father, who was nothing more than burden for their struggling souls to abandon.

So don’t worry my old friend…. I hold nothing against you!

Ahhh the irony of fate! I keep on pouring my heart out to you even when I am well aware that I would never get to know the answers to my questions in time. It seems I have all the time in my hands but no time with you as I wait for my death.

So when you read this letter, know that I don’t want you to pity me for who and what I am, was or will be… I have lived you to the fullest, seen the good, the bad and the worst. I expect nothing more and am grateful… for all I had was good.

I do hope and wish with all my heart that you (Life) stay merrier, faithful and hopeful as ever with your new companions now and forever.

Farewell my old friend!

Forever your friend,

Saleem Anwar

20^th April 2020’